We had another great theme this week, and with it came many ideas. Since it was raining when I got this theme, I thought about going out and taking some photos of reflections in the puddles. Then..the sun came out, and I took a few photos of my reflection in my husbands sunglasses. Since I wasn’t sure I was going to use those, I took some photos yesterday at my daughters softball game showing how the the bright sun could nicely reflect off the ground onto my subjects face. Those came out nice, but I decided to go a different route with the theme. I decided to take it as an opportunity to reflect back on my past few years in terms of photography. My passion that became so much more after attending Me Ra Koh’s workshop 3 years ago in Sonoma.

Going to that workshop, was the first time I not only left my children for  few nights, but also did it to spend time on something that was just for me. The kids were 8 months, 3 and 5 at the time, and some “alone” time was more than needed.  The workshop was more wonderful than I ever could have imagined and I made some amazing friends who I know will be part of my life forever. In that memorable weekend, I learned not only about photography, but about myself as well.

At the end of the workshop, I remember Me Ra talking about the re-entry into our lives and how difficult that could be. On my 3 hour drive drive home, I felt like a new person. I played my sing along music and sang along loudly and bad. On that car ride home, I was pretty sure I could take on the world. Thanks to the workshop, I had big plans, as well as the drive and confidence to make things happen. I missed my babies and could not wait to get back to them. I took a picture of the welcome home sign on the door and walked inside to give my family some love and continue on the journey I had started a few days earlier. How quickly all those wonderful feelings came to such a screeching halt. I realized very quickly that the new me I had discovered in my time away was not going to be able to just slide back into my life. The laundry, and dishes, and bills, and diapers and activities and sibling squabbles quickly started to eat away at the me I had discovered in that wonderful weekend away. It didn’t take long for all those dreams and feelings to disappear and the reality of life to come crashing back.

When I reflect back on these past three years, while I feel like I have accomplished a few things, I am not sure I am where I thought I would be. The workshop gave me the courage to move on to taking pictures of people other than my children as well as the OK to follow my dreams. I think the wall I keep hitting has to do more with having a good grasp on what that dream actually is. I have said it before, and will say it again..I LOVE photography. I feel alive and complete when my camera is in my hands. The problem is, that loving photography and actually having a photography business are 2 different things.  I have visions in my head of the types of photos I want to take, but am not sure I will ever get there. I have things I want to do in terms of a photography business, but trying to fit them into my life as a stay at home is not so easy for me. When I feel like I have to take certain kinds of pictures or have so many shoots a month or make X amount of dollars, I just want to put down my camera for good. All that stuff doesn’t make it fun for me anymore. Then, I scroll through photos I have taken of  families over the past 3 years, and I have a huge smile on my face.  I feel so lucky that I was given a glimpse into these peoples lives and that hopefully I was able to create something that will help them remember that fleeting point in time.  I am not sure exactly what I want my “business” to look like, but I do know that putting my camera down isn’t really an option.

I plugged in an old external hard drive from 3 years ago, and as the pictures from the workshop loaded, my eyes filled with tears. I wanted to transport myself back to that special place in hopes that it would help me get a better idea of what my dreams are and how to follow them. This photo was taken on the amazing property where we did our mama and baby shoot. Reflecting back, I wish I had taken the photo horizontal and closed up my aperture  so that I could see the church a little better. But, that was not who I was or what I saw that weekend. On that weekend, I was able to focus on one thing as I let the rest of the world fade into the background.

Now head on over to Nicki Pampell, Houston Family Photographer and see what she saw this week.